Roller Derby Returns to Medford

Brain Bashin' Barbie adjusts her fishnets beforegrabbing the mic. With a final tug to her black mesh tutu, the blonderolls center rink on her pink wheels, and belts out the "Star SpangledBanner."

It's Wednesday night at RollerOdyssey in Medford. Time for women's flat track roller derby. CoachPain and Madame Mother (aka rink owners Sheldon and Cheryl Masterson)are hosting bouts between Hell's Kittens, the Lunachics, theUndertakers and the Rock 'N' Rollers.

Barbie (aka Laura Bench) joins herHell's Kittens teammates as introductions begin under flashing lightsand special-effects smoke.

"Let's get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrummble!" the audio system blares.

Thecrowd, seated in white folding chairs surrounding the oval track, hasbeen warned. No one under 18 sits in the front row. Any skater couldend up in your lap.

"But it is good luck to have a roller derby girl land on you," Coach Pain insists.

It'sthree weeks into the six-week spring season. Hell's Kittens are takingon the Lunachics. Both teams have skated through the past three weeks'bouts undefeated.

Before the first whistle,Hell's Kittens' captain Ida Slapter (aka Masterson's daughter, BarbaraCopple, 29) gets some good-natured teasing from Lunachic captain GuillaTina (aka Melissa Johnston, 28). Guilla Tina wants "the league's bestjammer" to take it easy on her out there, she says.

"My ribs are hurting," the mini-skirted skater says.

Munchingon a giant pretzel, Ida Slapter responds with a grin and a bronchialhack. She's sick as a dog, but determined not to miss the bout.

"Each team has about two girls who are either sick or have owies," affirms Coach Pain.

Fansof old-school women's derby, depending on their disposition, willeither be relieved or disappointed to know that this version does notallow punching, kicking, flying elbows or launching of skaters.

"They can't throw anybody over the fence," says Ida Slapter.

Thetwo captains, who participated in artistic, in-line, speed and rollerhockey skating in their youth, say the women's league is whittlingwaistlines and providing camaraderie.

"Having a baby kinda got me out of skating," says Guilla Tina.

Almost half of the 37 women listed in the teams' roster want to continue with a summer league, Madame Mother says.

Families,friends and co-workers come to the bouts to cheer on their favoriteteams. Moms get hugs from their kids and thumbs up from their guys,before stepping onto the rink to be introduced to the crowd.

Sportingalter-egos like Bangin' Betty, Luci Furr, A. Dirty Birdy and Hog-TieMe, and dressing like drag queen rejects, the skaters enjoy living outtheir Kansas City Bomber fantasies. If only for a few hours a week.

Thereare plenty of thrills and spills. Five skaters make up each team,consisting of one jammer and four blockers. The 10 skaters battle itout on the oval track in two 20-minute bouts comprised of a several90-second jams. Points can only be scored by jammers, who must maketheir way through the pack once — then sprint and lap the pack. Jammersscore a point for each opposing teammate they successfully pass ontheir second (or third) time 'round.

"We call that a grand slam," says Madame.

Allskaters in the pack are playing both offense and defense in every jam.They want to help their jammer through the pack, and stop the opposingjammer's headway.

The jammers are prime targets for tumbles. When one goes down, the domino effect can take out half the pack.

"We call that cleaning the floor," says Coach Pain.

Heading into group, one of the Lunachics hits the ground, skids and rolls back up to her feet.

"We call that roller derby ballet," he adds.

GuillaTina is sent to the penalty box after the pack suddenly closed in frontof her, and the jammer used her arms to brace against a fall.

"There was nowhere else to go," she says.

The refs call the foul anyway, and the Lunachics lose their ability to score points until she serves her time.

The second bout ends with the breakaway "grand slam" by Ida Slapter. The crowd cheers as Hell's Kittens win by two points.

"It was great. I go home laughing every night," says Madame Mother.

Reach reporter Sanne Specht at 776-4497 or e-mail sspecht@mailtribune.com.